Oh, The Places We Go!

Recently, I hit a point where I thought the world was moving like a fun house at the circus. Now to help you understand better, I will lay out some context.

At my college, it is currently midterms month.  I am the go to for a group of over 30 girls to come and get help with classes and strategize over academics. During midterms week, they all remember at once that I am a resource to help their struggling grades. With that said, even with my inability to get more than 3 hours of sleep a night, I was still struggling to keep up with the extra workload.

To accommodate the added work, my blissful 3 hours of sleep started to become only 2 or less. Now, this may not seem that bad, as it is only losing about an hour a night. However, this is like having a plastic bag with a hole and then making it a slightly bigger hole. Soon, the bag is going to be depleted of its resources.

A few nights ago, my mind hit a full on mental break. Luckily, it was entertaining to my roommate. It was around 1 a.m. as I was getting off the elevator to my floor when the walls started to move.

***Shout out to my apartment building for putting in wallpaper that looks like this just to mess with people with sleep deprivation.

By the time I reached my couch, my legs felt numb, and I couldn’t get back up. However, I was not concerned as I was too busy having laughing fits over nothing. The next thing I recall in getting up around 4 a.m. with multiple Snapchats from my roommate. Apparently, when I am very sleep deprived I become the happiest person, as these videos showed whenever my roomie played her music, I would start “dancing” while I was sleeping.

Needless to say, cutting back just an hour of sleep can do quite a bit of harm to my mental state. Thank goodness for technology being able to save the events that happen once the clock strikes midnight.

The Mind on E

I hate feeling tired, but I also dislike the need for sleep.

It may sound crazy to read “dislike” and “sleep” in the same sentence but here me out. When you are driving your car, you don’t get instantly happy when you see that your gas tank is on E now do you? It means that your car is going stop providing its basic functions if you do not refuel fairly quickly. It is the same scenario when I have reached the E on my fuel tank. Just like your car, it is never at a time that is convenient. It is always a day where the rain is coming down like a waterfall, you’re late to an important event, or your miles from the closest destination to fuel back up.

Yet the fuel tank does not care what situation you are in. So I’ll be sitting is a class that I paid $500 for and my mind goes blank. This is also always the exact time the professor decides to call on me, yet I cannot focus. I hear the words, but my brain will not start back up. So I quietly apologize for the lack of knowledge and wait for the class to end. I get home, lay down, and BOOM: my eyes are still open.

My mind is on E yet my body sits in idle for hours or days on end. For this reason, I dislike the need for sleep, as insomnia acts as a barrier to prevent such need from being met.

Symptoms of Insomnia: What is it Like Not to Be Able to Sleep?

In a culture of quick fixes to stay awake, it is almost assumed that the symptoms of insomnia, that is surviving off the absolute minimal amount of sleep, is an advantage. When others are accomplishing nothing as they sleep, you can get ahead of the game. Slogans like “Red Bull gives you wings, ” and Monster Energy’s “Release the Beast” are polluting our minds that staying up is a “superpower.”

However, the prime time I see the ads for these energy drinks is when it is past 3 a.m., on Hulu, after I’ve accepted the fact I won’t sleep. So, to be clear, just because someone does not sleep does not mean they are productive. Most nights I wish I could use insomnia to my advantage and channel my inner Beyonce to get stuff done. Yet, the difference between Beyonce and me is that insomnia symptoms keep me from getting well rested.

Sleep is the ultimate “superpower” for humans. With sleep comes natural energy, not energy at the cost of accelerated heart beats. When I first started my journey with insomnia, I was around 13 years old and was playing soccer. I was going on 2 days without sleep and decided that 5 Hour Energy would give me the power to get through practice. As a result, at 13 years old I almost had a heart attack as extreme sleep deprivation, large consumptions of caffeine, and exercise does not mesh well together. So to answer the question “what is it like to not be able to sleep?” is simple: it is as mentally exhausting as it is physically exhausting.

You want to be like Queen B (as the slogan goes, “you have the same 24 hours a day as Beyonce”), but your mind is so bogged down that you feel you can’t move. Yet, at the same time, it is racing through thoughts at all speeds, and you don’t feel mentally strong enough to silence them. You wish for sleep, but sleep does not come. The best analogy to describe the symptoms of insomnia is to think of a car stuck in park as the driver stomps on the gas pedal. The wheels are spinning, yet the overall subject is not moving. Smoke forms until the subject finally breaks.

So the next time you see your insomniac of a friend/family member/loved one, try to restrain from saying we need to get sleep. We love that you’re concerned about our well-being, but trust me that sleep is our set destination point, we just got a little turned around. Don’t fret, though, we will get there, and no I will not ask for directions.

Why Don’t They Sleep? A Basic Guide To Understanding Insomnia

Your roommate is going on day 3 with no sleep, and you wonder how on earth they are functioning. While they have managed to get 5 hours of sleep total, you are mustering up the strength to get out of bed on a 7 hour nights rest. What’s the deal? Is there a super power someone forgot to tell you about?

For as long as I remember people have been telling me how lucky I am that I don’t “need” sleep. They describe the struggles of needing at least 7 hours a night or they can’t function the next day. Every time someone grumbles  about how they have an early bedtime, one saying always comes to mind:

“you always want what you can’t have.”

To be fair, I do get more done during the hours of 11 pm to 6 am than any other time, but that coincides with the foggy mental state during normal hours. So, to put both parties at ease on the “superpower” that is insomnia, I am going to provide a simple guide to how insomniacs, like myself, do it.

What is it Like Not to Be Able to Sleep? 

The biggest problem with believing insomnia is like a “superpower” is that it implies that insomniacs decide not to sleep. This is utterly false. Hours will pass by while we lay staring at a wall, and soon the dark sky turns to an orange and yellow haze. When the realization comes that you have to go another day without sleep, I guarantee we are not happy campers. Click here to know why.

The Mind on E

We all know the moment when our car’s gas tank light comes on. At that moment, you feel deflated as you must take the time to fill back up or get stuck in the middle of a street. The same can be said about an insomniac’s mind. I hate feeling tired, but I also dislike the need for sleep. Sounds counter intuitive right? Click here to find out why it isn’t.

Oh, The Places We Go!

Click here to take a journey with me on the random events that happen once the clock strikes midnight. Unfortunately, there will be no glass slippers involved. However, I did step on a glass cup once if you want to count that.